CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE
There are many reasons the victim keeps the secret, such as:
- Fear of not being believed
- Fear of offender getting into trouble
- Fear of being taken from parents or breaking up the family
- Fear of getting into trouble
- Feelings of guilt and shame prevent disclosure – or can make victims retract disclosures.
So when a child does tell someone about sexual abuse – it’s usually the truth – so pay attention!!
A RED FLAG IS A RED FLAG!!!!!!!!!!!
Offenders use many techniques to try and ensure that victims keep the abuse a secret.
Victims might be led to believe that they will be in trouble if the abuse is revealed, or that they are somehow to blame.
For some victims the abuse starts at an early stage of their life when they aren’t aware of exactly what it happening – and by the time they reach an age where they know it’s wrong, they feel ashamed that they were a willing participant for all that time and this prevents disclosure.
They might fear getting the offender into trouble, or they might fear being taken from their parents. They might also feel ashamed, or different, and often powerless, or they might be afraid that nobody will believe them. This can be the case especially when the offender is well liked by the family.
The victim may have made an attempt to disclose which was dismissed and so they are convinced that they will not be believed if they tell anyone else.
As a detective interviewing child abuse victims, the most difficult disclosures to obtain were usually from sexual assault victims – and often the longer the abuse had been going on, the harder it was for victims to talk about it. Some victims would finally work up the courage to tell us about sexual abuse, only to struggle with feelings of guilt and fear later. Many withdrew their statements as they saw how it was destroying their family or the offender's family once the abuse had come out.
So you need to pay extra attention to indicators for sexual abuse and be very careful with documenting and reporting – because the clues that victims give out can sometimes be simple 'off the cuff' comments and actions – and if you’re not paying attention you can miss it.
We also know from experience and research that most sexual abuse disclosures are truthful - so when a child does finally choose to tell you about it - you need to listen and take action.
A paedophile, whilst being interviewed by a psychologist, said something so powerful that it has stuck in my mind. He said "A RED flag is a RED flag- it is not pink, off white, rose or any other colour than RED. So look out for RED flags and don't try and tone the colour down!"