DISCLOSURES
Why not why? Don't ask questions that may make the child feel guilty or inadequate.
- Why did you pull your pants down?
- Why didn’t you tell mummy and daddy?
- Why did they hit you – what was it for?
- What did you do about it?
- Why did you do that?
- Why did he / she do that?
Tip No 6 - Never ask why
Sometimes asking even seemingly innocent questions can imply that the child was somehow responsible for guilty or inadequate.
Again it can be very easy to use these kinds of questions without even thinking about it – so you should try and get into the habit in your daily routine of not asking these kinds of questions.
There’s not really much use for the word “why” when we’re dealing with children. They don’t know 'why' they dropped the orange juice, or 'why' they broke the toys, and it doesn’t matter 'why' they hit another child – hitting is never appropriate. They don’t know 'why' Mummy or Daddy did something and they don’t really know 'why' they do anything. So whenever you can avoid it – use another question word like ‘how’ and you’ll see how much more information you will get. Then you can probably work out the 'why' for yourself!
Never start a question with 'why' after a child has disclosed. That’s a safe rule.
Never ask a question that could imply the child has failed to do something or should have done something – such as “why didn’t you run away” or “what did you do that for” or “what did you do when he / she was doing that” or “why did he / she do that to you.” Even asking “Why is your bottom sore?” could sound as though you’re challenging the child.